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- Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead
of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In
fact, just leave me alone.
- Sex is like air. It's
not that important unless you aren't getting any.
- No one is listening
until you pass wind.
- Always remember
you're unique. Just like everyone else.
- Never test the depth
of the water with both feet.
- If you think nobody
cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of payments.
- Before you criticize
someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize
them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
- If at first you don't
succeed, skydiving is not for you.
- Give a man a fish and
he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and
drink beer all day.
- If you lend someone
20 bucks and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.
- If you tell the
truth, you don't have to remember anything.
- Some days you are the
dog, some days you are the tree.
- Don't worry; it only
seems kinky the first time.
- Good judgment comes
from bad experience ... And most of that comes from bad judgment.
- A closed mouth
gathers no foot.
- There are two
excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither works.
- Generally speaking, you
aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
- When you are dead,
you don't know that you are dead. It's difficult only for others. It is the
same when you are stupid
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